i knew you were lying.
you all do that. what do you do?
you tell me what I want to hear.
you tell my heart that it wants it.
my mind is no fool.
my mind advises me against you.
you charmed your way in...I still know this is a game.
what am I doing?
why am I still listening to you?
how can you hold my attention?
wait, why do you have my attention?
but I know this is for you and not for me.
you just want what I am saving.
leave her! leave her alone.
she’s mine, I don’t want to give it up.
oh, but the way you make promises, I almost believe you.
maybe I believe you now.
and kind? - y’know? I asked a friend.
he didn’t bring me flowers but instead took mine with him.
like a trophy.
like an achievement.
he won the game of fooling me.
getting what I said I wasn’t going to do again.
how did I let a male use me...again?
his phone rang.
he got dressed, duty called.
i was a quick lunch break.
he said he’ll text me.
ha. yeah, that one.
i can’t move. i wish my bed would open up and swallow me whole.
i waited on him.
i believed in his words.
now I was made to feel like a empty torn plastic bag.
worthless - not fit for purpose.
what is my purpose?
i’m so shameful.
i am so ashamed.
who will marry me once they find out about my past sexual relations.
i’m going to get disowned if he speaks.
let’s take a bath.
what they say about water?
they said if you tell your worries and heartache to the water, it will carry it down the stream, gone.
i want my sins to be washed away.
i want a chance at life.
all seems so impossible now.
he said he was different.
he said he loves me!